presto!

these past few days i've been noticing something.

every time i'm making a decision about where to go. something as small as where to hang out, where to meet someone, what to do with a few minutes of free time... i've done what i didn't initially want to do and it's ended up meaning something incredible.

for example, i wanted to go to starbucks the other night and play cards. instead, my friend wanted to go see her boyfriend, so we went to barnes and noble waaaaaay out east. we ran into these guys that are friends with someone who was with us, i started talking to one of them, and ended up knowing exactly what to say, what to give him to read, and how to understand him in a way that only a fellow music major, accomplished musician, and friends university student (former in my case) could. not to mention, someone had told me the exact thing that i needed to tell him, when i was exactly his age, and in the exact same situation. talk about amazing.

now, you would assume that the following explanation might ensue: god is directing my steps. he is leading me to the situations and conversations that i need to have. he is putting me in people's lives that need to be spoken to through my experience.

okay.

but instead, it kind of freaks me out. i'm not gonna lie.

because let's be honest (well, okay, i'll be honest, maybe you're cooler than me and you don't feel this way) even if my brain knows some schpiel about god and providence, my actual consciousness doesn't know what the crap is going on when things like this happen. it's like a magic trick. i'm in awe. i don't understand. i didn't expect it, even though i went to the magic show. the trick begins, i know what's going to happen, i'm anticipating the end, and to my great shock and surprise, there's the bloody rabbit, and my mouth is hanging open. how did he do that? where did that rabbit come from? holy crap, that's impossible!

didn't i go to the magic show just to see that?

why is my skin all goose-bumpy?

insanity: doing the same things over and over expecting different results.
ridiculousness: repeating futile and illogical sequences of behavior.
insane ridiculousness: "knowing" god's providence in your life and still being genuinely surprised every time an amazing incident occurs (even though i asked for it, and waited for it, and expected it).

or maybe i'm the only one.