karma's a bone-breaking bitch

so a boy (who we shall refer to as disgusto) told me that my broken thumb was karma for not wanting to "get to know him". which is funny. and gross. since he's still married.

but i think disgusto is about to give up. which means all you crazies have a day or so to get in line. because the spot goes quickly when it opens up.

it would be funny if it weren't so darn true. *sigh*

this has all led me to ponder something today. objectification.

what happens when a person that you admire and feel a connection to becomes less important than the idea of what you think they ought to be in relation to you? when is control of the situation more important than respecting the wishes of someone you care about?

i have these two friends. both of them guys. both of whom i respect very much and think the men of the world could really learn from.

sam beam* (not his real name, but the real name of one of his favorite musicians) and i were talking about differentiation the other night (morning?). differentiation between love and lust.

lust says, i must have you now. not your mind, not your heart. well, only those if it gets me closer to accomplishing the result that i feel compelled to pursue. i will persuade, insist, cajole, and otherwise manipulate you into acting/feeling/thinking the way that i want you to. lust is selfish. lust is about the pursuer.

love is different. love is patient. love is kind. recognize that? love is about accomplishing a shared goal, or the glorification and respect of the other. love is never manipulative, selfish, or insistent. love is not desperate or cruel. love grows beautiful things in your life. love is about the beloved.

good gracious that's a smart boy :)

stevie ray* (see above) was comforting me in my frustration at being pursued in such a revolting way. he is very good at comforting me. this is because he's one of the best friends i've ever had and favorite people of all time. i was responding to a comment he had made, when it hit me. i am being objectified.

suddenly, the frustration of being pursued with lust as the sole motivation became less personal and tragedy less imminent. i, the pursued, could finally see the actions of the pursuer as those of desperation and grasping for control. he had decided what he wanted, and my objections were standing in the way of his ability to carry out those desires. it wasn't about me anymore. it was about the pursuer.

stevie ray confirmed this. and assured me that my attempts to hold myself to a ridiculously high standard and keep my relationships holy and righteous were not in vain. that i deserved better. that we all did.

bless his darlin' heart :)

at the end of all this is the idea that disgusto is not alone in his objectification of others. we all do this. all the time. in fact, we do this to god. well, i know that i do. as i was pondering praying for disgusto and his marriage, i was reminded (via a swift kick in the face) that i treat god in much the same way. i am constantly seeking my own outcome, having already made up my mind how things should be. i care not for the desires and glorification of my beloved, but for his response to me and execution of MY will.

*shivers*

ugly no matter how you look at it. i think we should stop doing this.