i was listening to a song this morning. one of those good ones you find on your ipod and didn't even know you had. the one you put on repeat and listen to all morning.
yeah. you know what i mean.
there's something about it. the awkward accordian music. the synthesizers. the words that seem to describe exactly how you feel about yourself and your life in general.
it brought me to place i only see inside myself. i can't go there. i can't accurately describe to you what it would look like in real life. i can tell you how it feels.
odd.
the smells and the sights. the strange lighting and beautiful awkwardness of the setting. it's damp. and greenish gray. black. everything is old. and while it seems scary and morbid it's actually the most comfortable place i've ever known. lace and spiders and torn clothing. and loneliness. good, deep, self-sustaining loneliness.
kind of like a haunted house without the haunting and only i am there.
i like that place. and i can't avoid the fact that i'll never be full of hearts and flowers. the music of my soul will always be in a minor key. my head will always be full of metal and holes. i'll always have writing on my body.
and i'll never have non-descript blonde hair.
