the music makes me feel so beautiful

sun kil moon always makes me feel beautiful and sort of blushy. like the harmony and sweetness of it meshes with my cells and brightens my countenance by proximity. radiohead does that sometimes too.

my booth faces the big glass windows in the front of one of my favorite coffee shops. i like this shop. i like this booth. i like the coffee. and i love the cloudy day. even when i was opening my own shop, i still came here in the afternoons. maybe it's for the anonymity. maybe it's for the variety. maybe i'm a coffee shop whore :)

so, coming home was hard. it was all so anticipatory on the airplane. when they finally let me out of the passport control and customs in bolivia, i was so shaken up and nervous that i cried off and on half the way to jamaica. lol. luckily the lady next to me didn't speak english, so i was able to distract myself by talking to her and helping her order her food and such. god knows what we need.

the phrase "no te preocupes" (don't worry) was a staple in that whole process, and it is now and will be forever one of the most comforting phrases i have ever heard...thank god for those words.

after enjoying my first peppermint mocha at starbucks in the miami airport, i said goodbye to my lovely ruth (very hard to do) and found another starbucks to pass the time while i waited to finally head home to the midwest. all the flights were miraculously on time. and there was snow waiting for me in dallas along with a very good friend who i was perfectly delighted to see. after a brilliant night in a huge bed with a real down comforter, i woke up way too early out of excitement and headed to the airport.

everything after that is pretty much a haze. just....cloudy. i know i cried almost the entire flight to wichita. i know i cried after i rounded the corner and saw my friends. i know we went to eat at my favorite mexican food place for lunch. i know i became supremely irritated at not having a phone, and stayed that way for a few days till my wonderful brother victor came to the rescue.

just yesterday or maybe the night before, something changed. i think my body finally settled down and figured out that i wasn't moving around anymore. travel will do that to you. you get so used to moving all the time, and changing your surroundings so drastically, that you feel antsy and distracted even after you get to the stopping point. i'm settling. finally. whew.

so what now? now we process. now we write. now we record. now we rest and prepare. because the task wasn't the preparing. the task will be the doing. and loving that deeply, giving that much, pushing through that kind of hardship and defeat....that is not for the faint of heart. so in this time, i will study and read and listen for god to instruct me. because i have to be ready for a fight. it's always a fight to tear something out of satan's grasp. and he wants those street kids.

so we're going to stand in the gap for them. you, me, jesus, and enough love to see them through the failures and setbacks that are sure to come. i'll be writing more often i hope. thanks so much for the support and love you continue to give me wherever i am.

it's good to be at home.