his name was robert paulson.

i am jack's complete lack of focus.

i'm not even trying to play...

so i was talking to my friend just now. she used to work at the coffee shop i'm currently sitting in. i saw that her facebook said that she was feeling like shit. thinking she was sick, i messaged her and asked what was up. we weren't so very close when she was here, mind you. i mean, i saw her mostly every day because she worked in my second home here. but then she moved away, and i continue to come here, but she does not. so that sort of ended the whole convenient friendship thing.

well, she's fighting with her boyfriend. that sucks. i know. but she's not dying of polio or something like that. so, we got to talking about a guy who's hanging up his art here. he's going to use a painting that's covered right now, to propose to his girlfriend. i told her about it, and mentioned that i was jealous. this lead to a conversation about both of us having been engaged before, and then all that goes along with that.

this is where the interesting part comes in. this girl, a preppy, gorgeous, cheerleader type girl, says she feels like something in her is broken. like she can fall in love with someone until she's really in love and then it breaks. something changes. she basically says to me exactly what i feel inside myself. like my inabililty to actually move forward with someone is really beyond my control in a way. i can't stop quitting before i ever really get started. which leads me to believe that i might not be as big of a freak as i think i am. is it possible that this is common in our culture? lack of committment isn't just a joke to be made at the expense of boys.

but i have to go. more on this later. ruminate on it for me, will ya?